黑暗中的歌声

但是《射雕英雄传》里面的靖蓉恋却是极好极好的。金庸笔下几对，我想来想去也就服气这一对。（别的好些对那不是不服气的问题了，是“什么鬼”……）

B站神视频：《向天再借五百年》—谨以此视频缅怀安达尔人与先民的国王，七大王国统治者暨全境守护者，拜拉席恩家族的乔佛里一世。

一代明君乔大帝千古！！！

忘记是谁说的了：要写东西很容易，你只需要划破一根动脉让血流出来。对此我曾深以为然。

应该说，现在也仍深以为然。不过我开始发现，让它成立的前提也并不是那么容易做到。我想，我近年来觉得写东西越发困难，就是因为不再希望把情感割裂出来给人看，哪怕是藏在别人的故事里面也不行。曾经打算写一个白蛇与法海的长篇故事，但也还是不行。一想到别人可能看出的蛛丝马迹，我就害怕起来。

也许是回过神来了，发现我的情感不是艺术大师的绝世之作，做不到无论粗制滥造拷贝出多少周边版本都总有真迹在高堂之内流光溢彩。这种心态有点像上个世纪初人民群众对于照相机的普遍误解，觉得被咔嚓照一次灵魂也就被偷走那么一点。我怕把真实藏在虚假里太久了，它会不复是真实。

这几天被一个无比时泪且无比纠结且就没有几篇文的真人CP击中，读了得以存留的几篇故事。其实从“同人”的角度来说它们都不能算太“好”，因为作者明显太偏心把一方多少塑造成了堕入凡尘的精灵，简单来说就是OO了那个C。然而我仍然如同着了魔似地一页又一页看了下去——因为有一篇文的开头几行字让我差点没泪如雨下，因为另一个系列其中的细节让我能感到心脏在绞动。

不论如何，它们让我想起了那些柔软而没有防备的东西，那种村上春树笔下的“心灵震颤”——“它类似一种少年时代的憧憬，一种从来不曾实现而且永远不可能实现的憧憬。这种直欲燃烧般的天真烂漫的憧憬，我在很早以前就已遗忘在什么地方了，甚至在很长时间里我连它曾在我心中存在过都未曾记起。”

It finally hit me some dozen or so years later. I had come to Santa Fe to interview a painter and was sitting in a local pizza parlor, drinking beer and eating pizza and watching a miraculously beautiful sunset. Everything was soaked in brilliant red—my hand, the plate, the table, the world—as if some special kind of fruit juice had splashed down on everything. In the midst of this overwhelming sunset, the image of Hatsumi flashed into my mind, and in that moment I understood what that tremor of the heart had been. It was a kind of childhood longing that had always remained—and would forever remain—unfulfilled. I had forgotten the existence of such innocent, all-but-seared-in longing: forgotten for years to remember what such feelings had ever existed inside of me. What Hatsumi had stirred in me was a part of my very self that had long lain dormant. And when the realization struck me, it aroused such sorrow I almost burst into tears.

前一阵在林肯中心和某阿姨聊天的时候说起《挪威的森林》，说它是一本我差不多每年都会读一次，而且几乎每次都会发现新的共鸣之处的书。上面这一段，却是让我从第一眼起便念念不忘的。Tremor of the heart, all that is true within, and all that which never can be true without. Yet God still causes rain to fall on everyone, the true an the untrue alike.

今天看了《神探加利略》第二季中《圣女的救济》。天海祐希确实很有气场！虽然有比较大幅度的改编，但我觉得改得挺符合天海的……总之好评。

新一季的《Elementary》也在追。还是看得很开心。哥哥没有崩，太好了~那一集的结尾忒神。Sherlock和Joan还是那种让我很开心的男女友谊档。

另外还看了几集POI。Shaw和小女孩Gen的故事我觉得很有爱啊，特别是Gen表白那里（雾很大）。于是我一边看一边暗搓搓地脑了一个十年后小姑娘长大于是开始猛追Shaw的百合故事。（然后一转眼就看到根出来了…… >_>）

我要看Whitechapel啊为什么B站上这季除了第一集都没有…… T_T

另外……差不多是决定要去去沙漠里宅了（用攒积的里程换机票oh yay）。因为我对自己目前的作息实在是太绝望了。唯一的问题是，是十一月去还是十二月。就我个人而言十二月更理想，但客观情况可能还是更适合十一月去……

情节不算特别新颖，但文字那叫一个水灵灵啊，风情那叫一个活脱脱啊。大手就是大手！秒杀一切小清新！

里面的人物我都爱。那两兄弟，看得出来，作者还是更偏心老二的。我一开始是(某个版本的)Thor+Loki即视感，后来变成了怒风兄弟+泰兰德。=_= 当然那是我自己精神病人思维广罢了……

还有一周去吉隆坡。感觉我什么都没准备好……

Watched Elementary 1 & 2. Agree with most of the assessments I've heard—Nice crime-solving series, though not so much Sherlock Holmes. I'm OK with that. Kinda like that it's set in New York, though—I immediately recognized Lucy Liu's jogging place in the opening (hello Central Park!). So I think I'll keep up with it from now.

Having started a new wave of Kindle-reading, the main book I've kept returning to recently is Henry Kissinger's On China. Due to its colossal length, I'm not even halfway through with it. And I don't agree with all of Kissinger's analysis (would be terribly bad form of me if I did). But it is a great book. Whatever else Kissinger might be, he is also a very astute policy analyst.

What else? Oh I finished reading Josephine Tey's The Daughter of Time, about the supposed crimes of Richard III (see: Princes in the Tower). The story is engaging enough. (Which reminds me, I need to do a little write-down list for all the Kindle books I've read lately.

Before I know it, weekend is almost gone again. *sigh* NEED TO QUIT JOB ON MONDAY!!! (The boss wasn't there on Friday and he doesn't use email, so I couldn't quit on Friday....)

A pic from the seafood dinner I had on Saturday, in which Loki decides shrimp isn't the way to go for his army and wants to recruit crabs instead (OK so maybe this will only make sense for the Chinese fangirls...):

工作之外，主要是在忙Marvel漫画(Journey into Mystery系列)的翻译与汉化。

要出的同人本也在催稿过程中。

还有网站。

在试图给一二月的东南亚行作计划，但还是很麻烦。机票好贵……本来看到一张AirAsia的从西安到曼谷才100美元单程，顿时喜上心头。可是很快又想起，怎么把自己从北京搞去西安啊……而且说到底，实在没有什么动力去西安。=_=

和nashaya_rin的同居生活也在继续。昨天发生对话如下：

铃铛：我前几天读了《金瓶梅》。
蝴蝶：哪个版本的？
铃铛：不知道啦。反正我读了一阵就想看结局，他们最后怎么样了。
蝴蝶：嗯。
铃铛：你知道，Kindle有个功能是翻到书的最后嘛。我就翻了……
蝴蝶：……然后你就看到了那些所有被删的肉……
铃铛：是啊！！！！
蝴蝶：感觉如何？
铃铛：翻来覆去就是一样的动作，只不过人换了一下。
蝴蝶：反正都是满口“大大”对吧。
铃铛：嗯！
蝴蝶：等等，现在网上同人圈里面不也是满口大大么……

细思恐极。

这几天本来在读中文翻译的《三个火枪手》，看了都快一大半了，还去翻了历史纪录各种津津有味。但后来一翻结局，知道某人死了，顿时就不想看了……
(话说这故事里面我为什么感受到了一股浓浓的Athos x d'Artagnan 基情……我的本命分明是Aramis啊！从《Bt'X》开始就是Aramis啊！)

另外还读了《A Thousand Splendid Suns》(中文名字是《灿烂千阳》)前面一小半，英文版的。因为觉得太真实了，所以读着读着忍不住就要哭。后来忍不住一翻结尾，心中神兽咆哮而过。不是说作者写得不好，只是……

历史是太沉重的东西了。

我是在釜山读完龙应台的《大江大海1949》的。
百感交集。

The Rains of Castamere
And who are you, the proud lord said, that I must bow so low?
Only a cat of a different coat,
that's all the truth I know.
In a coat of gold or a coat of red,
a lion still has claws,
And mine are long and sharp,
my lord, as long and sharp as yours.
And so he spoke,
and so he spoke,
that lord of Castamere,
But now the rains weep o'er his hall,
with no one there to hear.
Yes now the rains weep o'er his hall,
and not a soul to hear.

A longer version by Douglas Harrison.

Did I mention that I am a Lannister supporter for ASOIAF? (Mainly because Tywin is badass and Cersei/Jaime is....what it is.)

Other stuff:

1. Beijing has been raining a bit for the past few days. Sorely needed to stave off the incoming summer weather. Encountering some frustration at work, but I suppose that's really to be expected.

2. I am so looking forward to Henry V now, along with reading up on that period's history.

3. The long Thor/Loki (plus Baldur) fic I've been writing with iris242x is finally near completion. It's even longer than the previous one. I am very eager to finish it because....then I can start working on something else!

In a Station of the Metro
by Ezra Pound

The apparition of these faces in the crowd;
Petals on a wet, black bough.

*

地铁站台　
作者：艾兹拉•庞德　译者：冯晓彬

人群中这些面孔蓦然涌现　　
湿漉漉墨色树枝上的花瓣